Marriage and committed couples shine as an exemplar of the love that humans can show towards each other. You likely sensed the truth of this at the beginning of your relationship. You cherished each gentle moment shared in solitude. You were grateful to have someone by your side when life unleashed adversity. Your being became animated with a sense of purpose, and you wanted to realize your full potential daily, so you had more to give to the special person in your life. Somehow, the dynamic has changed—drastically. It might make you wonder if it is worth it anymore.
Over the years, I have noticed some common features of shaky couples. Shaky, but not fully collapsed. Major issues surrounding communication and priorities were often present, but so was an acknowledgement from the couples that they could learn to better display love. Can you see any of these features reflected in your own relationship?
- Fights that have repeated themes, without any progress made on eradicating those themes.
- Pettiness and recordkeeping.
- Constant misunderstandings and major misalignments around values.
- Denial of attention.
- Perception that there is unequal devotion to the relationship.
- Unwillingness to reform or to compromise.
- Interactions that exhaust rather than nurture.
- Disdain for habits of the other person.
- Refusal or inability to have honest, authentic conversations.
- Uncertainty about your continued affection for the other person.
- Struggles over children, chores, budgets, in-laws, friends, busy schedules, daily activities.
- Disagreements and differences over sexual intimacy.
Remember, Marriage and committed relationships are hard work.
All couples dip into the white-water rapids of confusion and conflict at some point, no matter what image they may present to the outside world. Even the couples who seemed joined at the hip at social events, those who have the rosiest photos on social media…they might feel the pain you are feeling.
Perhaps you are feeling neglected by a career-oriented partner. Maybe you are this person, and your hectic days end without much time for intimacy, communication, and spontaneity. Either way, this leaves you with a gnawing sense of loneliness, a relationship that is mostly nominal without offering you the unwavering, warm, effortless companionship of your dreams.
And the truth is, these issues are natural. Individuals struggle to find themselves for much of their lives, and entering an intimate relationship, sharing the vulnerabilities of the human condition, weathering the many stressors of life together—all this makes an individual’s responsibilities even greater. Indeed, perhaps a reason for your unhappiness in your relationship is that there is more responsibility, more work, than you expected. You may feel that you are fighting uphill to reap the rewards of support and love you had in mind.
Everyone deserves love from a romantic relationship, but it certainly takes a recognition of responsibility and self-awareness to realize this. This is what separates the couples who keep their raft afloat and the couples who capsize.
What You Can Expect from Couples Therapy
Every couple creates their own expectations for their personal love story. I can help you craft yours.
To understand the dynamic of a pair, you must understand yourself. Perhaps you have heard this before and take a sigh of annoyance or frustration at this. However, it is important to realize that your input greatly influences the output you receive from your relationship.
I will help you uncover your desires for your relationship as well as insecurities, red flags, gut feelings, personal triggers and more.
The techniques to bridge the gap between desire and reality will include:
- Increase clarity about the kind of life you want to build together.
- Gain clarity on the kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create.
- Learn your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you desire to be.
- Skills and knowledge of successful couples.
- A vision for the life you desire for you and your partner.
- Motivation to persevere.
- Time to practice, grow, heal and change.
- The appropriate attitudes and skills to work as a team.
- Putting empathy first.
- Seeking equality in the relationship.
- Developing shared meaning.
- Disarming hostile verbal communication.
- Increase intimacy, love, and respect shown toward each other.
- Finding a friendship to underpin the romance.
- Introducing more positive, affirmative language.
- Promoting honesty.
- Creating true connection, prioritizing one another, pursuing one another and sharing life together.
- Recognizing the negative cycles that create conflict and replacing them with constructive dialogue.
- To learn how to collaborate, compromise, make tough choices and difficult trade-offs to achieve the relationship you truly desire.
Contact me today!